PoorDecisions tagged as

tl;dr

-8

Days Since Last Accident

 
(going to a walmart. having to pee. waiting in line in the ladies room. old lady was in front of me) The door for the big stall opens and since shes old and has a crutch, i was gonna wait for her to go in...waiting...waiting...i finnally asked if she was going to use the big stall-she said i could use it, and i said no and insisted she use it because of the hand-rails. She ended up hitting me with her cane, saying "Just go in the damn stall and do your goddamnit buisness!", so i did.
when i was done, walked out to wash my hands, and she hit me with her cane-again-and yelling at me, asking me why i didnt let her use that stall thats for old people like her. I said, "Well, if your old-" then she hit me with her cane-AGAIN-and said "Im not old! im only 84!" and she walked out of the room.

47

Accidental Sex Change Operations

 
I threw a rock off a bridge with a footpath underneath. It hit Donald Trump, so he sued me for a million dollars, and won, but I couldn't pay so they put me in jail. Then I escaped with the help of a drag queen, named Vanilla Cherry. It was then that I realized that I have always loved drag queens. We were married. Then we moved to California, and spent some lovely years smoking "medical" marijuana, and collecting and maintaining the finest collection of horsehair wigs in the great state of California. Then, Vanilla died of a venereal disease (against which I had super immunity), and I ate her body as part of a spiritual mourning process. Then, the zombie apocolypse fell upon us, and I took my semen snd artificially enseminated a whole farm of pig mothers. Through doing this, I have created a super race that is immune to the zombie virus. this new breed will fight forever, under me, Lord Voldemort. While my pighuman army fights hard to ensure my safety, I will rid the world of nasty, dirty sponges, with my new invention. I have since become a traveling entrepeneur, and I sell the shamwow. Have you seen those comercials for the shamwow (it'll have you saying wow everytime!)? That's me, Lord Voldemort. So buy yourself a shamwow, eat some wheaties, and don't forget to do your part to end the polio epidemic sweeping the nation, young lesbians. If not for me, for your mother.
Don't do drugs.

-7

your mom

 
being drunk at a small friend party, on the side of a lake and deside to create a new drink mix: a beer, strawbery, vodka, rum, sake(jap alcool), wine, poppers, and many other stuff i dont remember in a blender...
us going on the lake with 2 rental pedal boat playing "bumper car", me swimming to the house cuz i was with a couple who wasnt a couple anymore and didnt want to hear them fight and ruin my mood. finding out that the father (id say 40yo) of the girlfrind of my friend have an affair with the bestfriend of his daughter (16yo) the girlfriend of my friend hitting on me... me waking up outside on balcony looking a strangely purple vomit ... major disfunctional/breakup couple weekend i apparently got laid...i dont know with who cuz i was alone when i woke up, but i was the only single guy in this party so i didnt ask...

-88

Dollars of Net Profit Last Night

 
drinking while my two friends were over and then blaming one of them for stealing my cell phone charger. turned out, he never took it. it was in my house the whole time. swore up & down it was jacked/stolen. texted him and asked if he had taken my charger. he texted me back and said, "did you look under the bed? under the couch?" i texted him back and told him i did. i looked several times. didn't see it there. how it ended up on my bed, under my comforter, in the bed with me, i will NEVER know. how my covers got turned back when i KNOW i had made my bed that day, i will never know either. all i remember is that i was under my covers and i pulled the comforter/bedspread down and my hand felt what seemed to be like my cell phone charger. i grabbed it and sure enough, it was. i said to myself, "WTF?!" i apologized to my friend, by texting him and saying 'sorry. he is now ignoring me. i will never know how i missed my cell phone charger being on my bed. i think i had WAY too much to drink. that, or im going crazy.
alcohol, paranoim, having my friend mad at me, delusional thinking

-35

Promises Kept

 
saying hi to girl on bus
her yelling at me about not talking to random people. missed stop on bus so had to leave bus. girl ended up following me but i thought she was stalking me so i scream get away from me. somebody comes to help but thinks that girl was saying it. person who came called cops and got his friends to beat me. cops handcuff me when i still did nothing cop said we know how to beat perverts like you. i go like wtf. next thing i know while i am in cop car guy who called cops make out with girl who follow me and i just watch them get smaller as car gets farther. while i in jail i try to call somebody so i call dad and he says this is what happens in life . he hang up and person in jail cell beat me. while i try to sleep i think why does this happen to me

24

Shots of Jaeger

 
Started drinking for Convocation at 9:30AM, drank an entire bottle of champagne and a quarter of a bottle of red wine while finishing our Magic School Bus costume. Dressed in 1-piece yellow bathing suit and an entirely black graduation robe (school tradition) and headed out into the 98 degree sunshine yelling, "WE'RE THE MAGIC MOTHERFUCKIN' SCHOOL BUS!!"
Left after first speech, escorted to nearest building by best friend. Went into the handicapped bathroom, took off my bathing suit, and passed out completely bareass naked on the toilet with my head on the handicap bar and the door unlocked. Vomited *next to* the toilet. Dedicated friend proceeded to check on me every 5 minutes. We're now VERY close friends.

-26

Arbitrary Numbers

 
In the middle of procrastinating studying for an exam decided to chat all night with an ex-boyfriend I haven't talked to for years. Was nice. In the morning took a bus to go visit him, four hours away, because we realized we could be good friends and it's dumb we haven't communicated for such a long time. Hell, the next exam was still three days away.
Ended up missing the last bus back home, stayed overnight, things got shiver-at-the-slightest-touch-kind of hot and now we know that being just friends with someone you used to love like mad doesn't really work out. His wife and kid, who he really loves, were out of town. My husband, who is the love of my life, is abroad. Failed said exam, because I was too confused about what had happened and too sleep deprived to study. Procrastination By Extramarital Affair 101.



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