PoorDecisions tagged as

holy fucking ow

13

Drug Cartels Now Searching for the Author of This Post

 
In high school I decided to stop wearing underwear. Well one day I woke up late for school and attempted to get dressed quickly. (Im a guy). As I am putting my jeans on still half asleep I quickly zipped and...
OUCH!! Zipped a small part of my penis head. After that I decided to start wearing underwear again and am more careful when I am zipping.

9

Wishes Denied

 
agreeing on going to my friend's bf's house to drink and 5th wheel with two couples...
the next morning the girls left and me, having not eaten anything since the morning before, only having my stomach lining and blood to vomit up for EIGHT HOURS, unable to move except to run to the bathroom, getting completely judged by this guys mum and no one offering to help me. just the occasional "are you ok?" "I'M FUCKING DYING!" "oh. uum maybe try and sleep?" eight hours of how i met your mother at a volume that prevented me from sleeping was more important apparently... BONUS RESULT: mum wouldn't pick me up because the suburb was far away and i needed to "learn my lesson"

29

Grammar and Spelling Corrections

 
letting my girlfriend use hand lotion instead of lube to finish me off
infection reaching from my dick to my kindeys

22

Gallons of LMAOnade

 
ate sunflower seeds with the shell
the most painfull bloody shit ever

28

Unnecessary MySQL Queries

 
gave my wife 'Fire in the whole" (previous post)
GUYS NOTE: Make sure ur wife does not have Listerine in her mouth when she is about to blow you. I now have a sense of what "Jalapeno on a stick" is!

24

Arbitrary Numbers

 
decided to masterbate a few hours after eating " the worlds hottest wing" you had to sign a waiver to eat.
worlds hottest vagina, and not finishing the masterbation because vagina was on fire. guess thats why they make ya sign a waiver....

12

Liters of Vanilla Vodka

 
Started the night by lining 20 shots of Aftershock up along the bar and racing my best mate to the middle.
Having a fightclub style 'friendly' fight where he actually broke my arm. When trying to get back via an assumed shortcut found that we were on the other side of the river to the path, so tried climbing over peoples fences, through their gardens, to head in the right direction. After 4 or 5 fences one handed, I was in too much pain (didn't know why at the time) despite the booze and couldn't go forwards or back.

47

Bottles of Asprin

 
Falcon punching my wife during a play fight session
Her kicking me so hard in the nuts that I can barely walk. Also no sex for the next few weeks (doctors orders) :-(

8

Sois by the ROFLcopter

 
askin gf to shave like a pornstar
i have to shave mines .razor burns on my sack

7

Texts That Should Not Have Been Sent

 
Everyone stopped short behind a semi n the middle of the rode....my car ended up being last...we all bump into eachother and it turns into a fender bender....everyone gets out to check on their cars except me
Big ass truck come speeding up behind us and crashes into my car. My car is crushed, as well as half of the bones in my body. i just got out of an 11 month coma.



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